


I missed you so much before I met you

by Kuramiyu



Series: Alternative Reality! Malec [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, London, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Malec, Slow Burn, law student! alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17922896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuramiyu/pseuds/Kuramiyu
Summary: Alec is a law student who needs a break. Magnus is a rich businessman who looks for fun. They meet at the party and appreciate each other the whole night.





	1. Meeting

    It was this time of the year. Autumn was awkwardly turning into winter. Leaves were beautifully coloured in a range of warm shades and danced gracefully with the wind. It would be mesmerizing if the rain was not hitting rhythmically on the sidewalk and the gray clouds didn’t block last rays of sunlight. Autumn was awkward, but autumn in London was especially deceiving. It was surprisingly warm, but also depressingly shady. Constant rain brought no solace. It wasn’t exactly cold, but there was a certain chill that bit a nose and left cheeks cherry-dusted. Alec’s pale skin was especially violated on his way to the conference. His eyelashes had tiny droplets of rain attached to them and he could feel the headache coming from the intensity and frequency of his blinking. This simple action probably wouldn’t have any outstanding effects, but Alec was endangered in this special period. He was a law student who just finished his half-term exams.

   To state he was tired would be an understatement. Almost 72 hours with a minimal nap-time, constant influx of coffee into his system, overload of cases, materials and names that left his brain cells steaming resulted in a pale, ghostly skin, shadows dancing playfully on his eye bags and a characteristic ‘Lightwood scowl’. These weren’t a result of leaving everything for the last 24 hours, but because of his drive to succeed and give his all to even half-term exams in his first year. This determination forced him out of bed and towards the British Library where the conference was about to take place. This would be a formal party that law students affectingly named ‘employer hunting’. Heads of most famous companies in the world gathered in one place to celebrate some historical event that no one really mentions. They would do what they do best – socialize, drink and show off their feathers, to which students will pass sweet words of amazement and sometimes, more often than Alec would like to admit, lingering glances.

   He sighed tiredly and tried to ignore the thumping in his temples, or maybe it was the rain falling on his dark locks, he couldn’t tell and honestly, at this point he didn’t even care. He was pretty sure that he failed his exams and no amount of reassurance from his sister could convince him otherwise. He felt deflated and stumbling upon a bunch of arrogant pricks wasn’t high on his to-do list (and yes, he wrote those). He quickly entered the building and was thankful once again for his 6’4” and steps that were twice as normal. He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to the reception lady who smiled in return. She forwarded him to the main hall and he started moving.

   There was no time to waste, he thought even as he tried to convince himself that having a panic attack in the middle of the hall isn’t a good idea and would leave him humiliated rather than free him of this nightmare. The music and voices got louder and louder and soon his senses were invaded by new sensations that he could only describe as ‘overwhelming’. “Just smile and wave”, Alec thought helplessly as he headed towards the centre of the room.

 

   “It is this time of the year again”, Magnus thought grimly as he looked around. The beginning of December always marked the return of Christmas spirit that urged all companies to engage with their once-a-year charity commitments. Magnus didn’t mind the hypocrisy as it was better to do it rarely than not do it at all. What he couldn’t comprehend was why it required ridiculously expensive gatherings that were more of a play and a hunting ground for students rather than anything else. He was somehow shaken by how far people were willing to go to secure a contract, internship or a LinkedIn invitation.

   As exhausting as these events can get and despite all his criticism, he can’t say that a bunch of young, willing bodies doesn’t sound appealing at all. He is a human, after all. He knows he is attractive and one-night stands aren’t exactly foreign to him. Especially after his break-up with his ex-girlfriend that brought him not only wrecked nerves and empty wallet, but also a year worth of therapy. Not to mention unhealthy coping habits that made his friends grey with worry (although Magnus thinks the reason was premature baldness). Trying to leave this dark train of thoughts behind, he directed his gaze to the small groups that gathered near the cocktails. He knew this was where students went first to relieve stress and lower inhibitions. He would rather find someone older and more experienced, because, honestly, he didn’t have time nor patience to deal with a kid.

  
    Looking around, he couldn’t not notice how beautiful the place was. The ceiling was high and decorated in gold and red. Chandeliers were shining with diamond-like pieces that formed shapes of snowflakes. Windows were huge and the rain was thumping steadily onto them. It was a calming, steady music if someone bothered to listen. However, the thumping rhythm in the room was too loud and encouraging for Magnus to pay attention to anything else. He smirked and chose a cute, dark-haired girl that smiled flirtatiously his way. He really was too experienced to play games so he made his way over and switched on the charm, as easily as one would button a shirt - effortlessness obtained by experience. He liked her body, it looked soft and was curvy in all the right places. He let himself flirt playfully, testing the waters, but also not expecting much. He hasn’t felt a pull of attraction since Camille brought his faithfulness and loyalty to the ground and stabbed it with one of her Gucci heels.

   His thoughts came back to the presence and he realized the girl hasn’t even noticed. He kept nodding and humming in all the right moments despite distraction and he was glad for his experience or otherwise he would surely break the girl’s heart. He looked discreetly around when someone bumped into him and he heard a mumbled ‘sorry’ before the serious case of bed hair disappeared. The girl was fuming at the shamelessness of that person, but he quickly lulled her with a drink and a sweet smile. This was going to be a long night.

 

   “It’s going to be such a long night”, Alec thought tiredly. He did realize he was bumping into people and that only his engrained politeness forced ‘sorry’ out of his mouth on reflex. He was anxious about coming off as unpleasant, but also too tired to really care about anyone’s reaction. Alec sighed deeply and grabbed the non-alcoholic drink, the waiter raising his eyebrow in surprise. “Boo-hoo, I’m not here to be wasted, what a surprise”, he groaned deep inside and looked around curiously. He always stood by the cocktails to scan the room properly. It somehow had the best view on the centre where all important people instinctively gathered.

   Despite being in his first year, he knew more or less how to network from all the times his parents brought him to formal events, along with his siblings. It doesn’t mean he was good at it or enjoyed it. Alec thought of himself as seriously introverted, possibly repressed, but he always forced that part of himself to the darkest corners of his mind. He wasn’t like his brother Jace who could flirt shamelessly and seduce young girls into very disgraceful acts. He didn’t act like Isabelle who had effortless grace in her movements and attractive personality that made people feel welcomed. No, Alec thought he had none of those and his attempts came out as awkwardly sweet at best. He knew it just wasn’t something he would ever get used to.

   However, his parents insisted and, like with everything else, he pushed through. He smiled fakely and said words that weren’t his. Whether it left him feeling a little empty inside isn’t important. Older ladies were shooting him curious glances and he tried not to groan out loud. He wasn’t handsome like Jace or attractive like Isabelle, but he was tall and muscular. He guessed some people digged that. The issue was that he was as extraverted as he was heterosexual. Which is zero. Null. Non. Although that part was buried along his other unwelcome traits, he even now strode towards the older man in a dark navy suit. Alec cursed his weak mind for falling for such obvious temptations, but the suit was so fitting, man’s beard well-kept and the jaw strong, as if sculpted. Alec put on a smile, even as his stomach churned at the thought of failed exams. “It doesn’t make sense” Alec thought as he reached for a hand of the man. The handshake was strong and sure, lingering a few moments too long for comfort. He had to handle it well, despite his inner introvert trying to scratch his way outside and possibly run away, to live in the world without social interactions. Alec butt-headed it effortlessly, used to this inner conflict by now.

  
\- Enjoying the atmosphere?- the accent, surely posh British, made Alec’s knees go weak. “He can tell how bad I am at this” Alec thought as he giggled in a, hopefully, flattering manner.

  
\- This type of parties isn’t really my thing – he responded and made sure to slap himself later for that slip-up. What kind of lawyer hates social events? He really was tired. The man just rose his eyebrow. “I can’t breathe.” – I mean, there are so many people and-

  
\- You know, boy, this place isn’t for everyone. If you are not up for the task then maybe you shouldn’t be here – his words were said plainly as if there was nothing life-changing about shattering somebody’s world. The man shot him the look and smiled creepily. Just then Alec saw the spell crumbling and noticed small wrinkles, dirty skin and narrow, greedy eyes. He felt an arm around his waist first, then he heard a whisper – but if you really insist, I can make an exception if you join me today for the private interview.

  
    Alec was disgusted with himself that for a second he considered it – joining a dirty, old man in a bed for the internship. Even then, deep in his denial, he knew he couldn’t care less about the internship, as long as his parents were off his back. This moment of hesitation was clearly taken as a consent and the man, now braver, pressed his lips to his cheek. Alec came back to his senses and tensed rapidly. He pushed at the man’s chest until he stumbled back. He thanked for archery and MMA classes. He started retreating to the safety of the walls, as far away from the centre as possible. He heard a voice of the man who wanted to bring him down “some guys are just not meant to be successful” and he almost cried when he achieved it. It could be the tiredness, failed exams or years of pent-up frustration that made him react so violently to the shouted words. He could feel the mask he has been working on for years crumble. It showed first cracks when he was walking. He let his weak, introverted nature come to light and it had consequences. Hopefully, his parents won’t hear about it. Alec prayed silently and tried not to have a full-blown panic attack in front of so many people when the waiter approached him. He had glasses with alcohol and Alec hesitated only for a second before he grabbed one of them and took a big, inelegant gulp. And, oh, what a mistake it was.

 

   Magnus was bored. He knew his standards were rather low, with him being attracted mostly by the curves and muscles, but the level of this conversation was insultingly low. Not to mention all the shameless attempts to attract him into following the girl to her flat. Magnus looked around, desperately looking for anyone who had at least a decent amount of finesse he expected. His eyes stopped at the weirdest facial expression he had ever seen. He instantly recognized the bed hair, but the features were unrecognizable, scrambled in a mess of lines and shades. Magnus quickly cleared his own confusion by spotting the glass of alcohol in the boy’s hand. He couldn’t help himself and a soft snort escaped him. He then realized how suspiciously he must have looked, staring into the distance and laughing to himself. The girl looked slightly confused, but was in a state of total shock when Magnus smiled, thanked her for the night and made his way towards the hottest mess of today’s party.

   The closer he approached, the better view of the boy he got. If he was totally honest with himself, which he rarely was nowadays, he liked what he saw. The boy was tall, muscular and had a fitting suit that hugged all the right places – wide back, small waist and a bubble butt. “Let’s not forget the thighs” Magnus noted meticulously. Actually, he liked all of him. His skin was unusually pale, his hair really dark and his eyes blue. Unusual, but weirdly attractive combination. If only he was not grimacing so much. Magnus finally took pity and grabbed the boy’s drink which clearly wasn’t his first one tonight. Whether it was the first one ever remains to be seen. The boy looked up at him with wide, soft eyes which quickly hardened.

  
    - Hey! Give my drink back! – Alec wasn’t in the mood to interact with strangers. He didn’t want to be an adult tonight, he wanted to become a teenager he never get the chance to be, stay in the shadows , sulk and drink. And this ridiculously attractive man will not stop him. Just then Alec rethought that and, as discreetly as possible in his current state, checked the man out. He was Asian with a deliciously caramel skin that seemed too smooth for a man. He clearly wore make-up and the glitter stuck to his hair and clothes, making him shine in a way Alec has never seen a man do before. He wanted to reach and run his fingers through raven hair. Maybe pull a little. He knew he was getting distracted when his eyes fell upon a smirk. Alec blushed furiously, the pink dust reaching his ears and collarbones. – just keep it. I will get another one. – Alec quickly turned to the waiter who didn’t seem to leave his side. Or maybe it was a different one. He wouldn’t know. The waiter ignored him and looked expectantly at the Asian man. Alec pouted.

  
    - I will have whiskey, but bring one mohito for him. He doesn’t seem like whiskey type of guy- Magnus snorted and he found himself surprised that he didn’t mean in an offending sort of way. His eyes fell upon Alec’s for the first time and he found himself breathless. Beautiful. However, the scowl was uncalled for. – What’s wrong, darling, you don’t enjoy men ordering your drinks? – he asked, because he had to know whether he actually stood a chance or was striked out even before getting to the plate.

  
    - I can order my own drinks, thank you very much – Alec snapped, but dutifully took his new drink and had a sip. Simply because it would be polite to do so. Magnus watched curiously as his iris expanded as a sign of pleasure. He would rather be causing it in a different way, but for now, Magnus didn’t complain.

  
    - I assume you enjoy your mohito – Magnus said smoothly and was not prepared for an enthusiastic response.

  
    - It’s delicious! What the hell, I’ve been drinking this disgusting whiskey and vodka all my life without knowing any better – Alec wanted to bite his tongue to stop himself from babbling, but decided to take another enthusiastic sip. He looked at Magnus curiously and blushed. His mind was giving him embarrassing innuendos of the act of sucking liquid through a straw. He needed none of that. He didn’t stop though. He looked straight at Magnus and slightly darkened brown eyes made his blood rush and only about 70% of it went to his face. At this exact moment, Magnus decided to take him home tonight.

  
    - Would you mind hanging out with me tonight? – Magnus’ tone tried for charming, but sounded pleading instead. Magnus was perplexed at the sound of his own voice. His confusion didn’t last long as he received a reluctant nod. The boy probably sensing his intentions started fidgeting slightly and looked uncertain. Magnus wanted to selfishly soothe him and decided to do so. His evening seems to be full of weakly well-thought, spontaneous choices. Looking at beautiful blue eyes, he decided it wasn’t that bad.


	2. The Night to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is unusually nervous, while Alec is typically oblivious.

   Magnus was a confident man. He, while not being vain, felt comfortable in his body and heard more than once that he was attractive. He knew he could be charming and 'suave' (as Cat affectionately joked whenever his flirty nature led to another dramatic incident). If one looked into his past, they would notice the line of lovers, both men and women, who fell for his charms. Experience bred his confidence and successful strike fed his slightly inflated ego. Looking at all those factors, one would think that luring one shy law student into bed would not take him too long.

   However, this evening was unusual. Magnus felt as if all his wits left him and this one lonely brain cell tried to recall any of the techniques he usually had up his sleeve. It led to the awkward silence and a few dubious looks from Alec, who looked like he wanted to gracefully rush to the exit, but was restrained by his own politeness. And if he decided to leave, Magnus couldn't really blame him. He hasn't felt that awkward in about 7 years and he thought he was over reddening cheeks and insecurity that made his defences crumble. The worst part is that he genuinely tried and actually cared about the outcome of these advances, if one could call them such. Magnus took a sip of his whiskey and decided to step up his game.

   The night was unusual for Alec. His brain, mellowed by alcohol, struggled to keep up with all the developments that Magnus threw upon him. Firstly, the older man showed off his experience in having alcohol delivered to him in every circumstances by convincing the enthusiastic waiter to keep filling their glasses whenever he saw those were lacking liquids. Alec wondered whether he tried to get him drunk, but as he glanced at the sparkly caramel skin of his face, he realised the man was drinking more and, if he didn't know any better, he would assume he was trying to soothe the nerves. But why would he be stressed about talking to Alec? Alec didn't know, and at this point, he really couldn't come up with any answer.

   - So what do you think of the reception? – Magnus asked while subtly leaning over. Despite the boy being slightly taller, he subconsciously tried to make himself look smaller. His shoulders were close to his body and his chin pointed downwards. His body language spoke volumes of his discomfort and Magnus praised himself for noticing. If the memory did not betray him, he should firstly encourage Alec to open up and speak his mind.

 

   - Not much, to be honest. I just feel like getting away – and no words could describe the red shade his face flushed when he realised the way it could be interpreted, but Magnus decided to ignore it for the time being. The man scanned his terrain carefully, like the predator checking for any outside threats that could spoil his treat. The hour was getting late and people started slowly migrating towards the exit, but not exactly leaving yet, so the time to act will be in a few short minutes – when the open bar runs out and different sort of needs will call to be sated.

 

   - I understand, this place has a really suffocating atmosphere. I can barely breathe. Should we take a step outside? – he looked at the boy curiously and saw his pupils widen. As amusing as it was to watch, his plan would not move forward if they stayed inside. Something told him that Alec was not the party animal his built fooled everyone into thinking. Alec responded with a jerky nod and Magnus gently laid a hand on his lower back, leading them to the exit. He did not want to scare the boy, so he kept his distance otherwise, too aware of prying eyes on their silhouettes.

 

   They grabbed their jackets and stepped outside into the windy London that offered no solace, unless your face was as burning as Alec’s. His mind was rushing with what was happening. Attractive older man just led him outside. Gathering all the data - the small talk, flirtatious behaviour, little touches – led to one single conclusion. This peculiar specimen intended to sleep with him. In the same bed. As in, have sex. Fuck. Perform the act of love. Proceed to have an intercourse. There was no other way to look at it. Unless the man was a killer and he just foolishly fell for his seduction. Alec wondered how his mind went from fucking to murdering in a split of the second, when Magnus offered him a cigarette. Reluctance must have shown on his face, because the older man quickly cleared his throat and said he didn’t have to do it if he didn’t want to.

                ‘So smooth’ Alec thought when he realised the man probably wasn’t talking about cigarettes. He bit his lips and could feel the man’s eyes follow. Being the pray was not exactly outside of his comfort zone anymore. This man talked to him like he was his equal. Sure, he wanted to sleep with him, but there was a certain comfort in admitting he actually had those needs. It felt good to be wanted and have this want respected, not ridiculed or rejected as a ‘phase’. This was something he did not experience often in his life where he had to hide behind the mask. Now, with alcohol flowing through his veins, he giggled, stumbled and failed at conversation. This awkward, clumsy mess was him and the man had not rejected him yet. He looked with dark, lustful, golden eyes and touched with graceful, powerful touches, setting Alec’s body and mind on fire. Flames burnt through his doubt and years of self-discipline. He failed his exams, disappointed his family and proved to everyone in law community he was a wreck unworthy of his family name. If his best is not good enough, then he might as well stop pretending.

         His silence must have discouraged Magnus, because he started withdrawing his hand. Alec grabbed him more roughly than necessary and let his fingers press into the pulsing veins on strong wrists. He made sure to look Magnus straight in the eye with the new intensity.

   - Don’t take my inexperience for hesitance - he said and, milking the momentum he gained till the last drop, grabbed a cigarette from the man’s hand and took a deep inhale. He started choking immediately. This night is full of his firsts, good and bad.

   Magnus started laughing softly, and then louder, when the boy glared at him, tears glistening in his eyes. His red face was adorable. He did not know what switch he pressed in Alec or how he did it, but he decided to take the lead as now he had a clear consent. He grabbed the boy’s hand, still clutching the cigarette, and took it from him. He smoked slowly, showing the motions to the boy and smirking.

   - I wouldn’t dare to. Although I suggest moving towards my place as the night is getting colder. I stay in a hotel 10 minutes away from here – he offered his arm, always asking for permission to continue, and when he got it, he started leading the way.

   After a few steps, Alec gave up on scowling and asked Magnus to teach him how to smoke. Magnus almost choked on his saliva when he snorted, but yielded to the pouting boy. It seemed to be the major theme of the night. If it wasn’t a one-time thing, Magnus would be worried for how warm he makes him feel. When Alec made a face and, finally, breathed out the smoke properly, Magnus noticed the entrance to his hotel. People knew not to ask him questions, but Alec still clang to his side with, what Magnus saw as, shyness. The walk probably sobered him a little, so once they entered the place, Magnus moved to the cabinet with a variety of alcohols he ordered before. He didn’t plan on coming home alone one way or another. He also wanted to give Alec some time to adjust to the new environment, he didn’t seem like the type who engaged with those activities too often. When he turned around, he was faced with a picturesque scenery – breathtaking in its cruelty.               

   Alec looked small and out of place, yet, weirdly fitting in at the same time. The room was classy and modern, the same as the perfect-fit suit the boy was wearing. His pale face and black hair combined with the dark shades of the room and dimmed lights made him look like he belonged. And yet, despite his physical features reflecting luxurious environment, he looked lost. He stood in the middle of the room, looking around nervously, taking in everything. His soft blue eyes were wide, innocent in their curiosity. His nervous energy made Magnus swallow down the instinct to protect. He put down the wine and with two full glasses made his way to the boy, partially covering his view of the room.

   - I chose white wine for you. Perfect to help you relax – he handed him the wine, fingers lingering and Magnus consciously chose to ignore the thankful look.

   He led him to the balcony where he watched the boy’s blue eyes widen in a different type of amazement, the less intimidated kind. The view of the city was truly beautiful and they sipped their drinks in silence for a while.

   - You seem to be surprised by the view. Never had the chance to see it? – Magnus asked casually as he leaned on the left hand when the right one started hurting too much.

   - Not really, but I’m glad I haven’t. It’s pretty special now – Alec smiled gently and say whatever you want, but Magnus’ poor heart can only take so much. He leaned over and made sure that Alec knew what was going to happen next.

   Alec thought about it at least 18 times since he saw the man. He fantasized about it being sweet and romantic, rough and sudden, but never expected that the man would be patiently waiting for him to close the gap. Surely, the atmosphere and alcohol were getting to both of them. Committing to the idea of losing himself to this man, Alec leaned over and closed the gap. Screw law. Screw his family name. Screw everything. And let the man screw him.

               

 

* * *

 

 

 

                Alec feels warmth and sees darkness shifting behind his closed eyelids. There is a sudden pull from his conscience and he tries to resist it, but eventually gives up. He wakes up to the light slipping through the curtains and the big, fat throb that was his headache. His body was weirdly sore and the soft noise coming from the bathroom, while subjectively perceived by Alec as the loudest thunder-noise on Earth, was identified as a shower. He tried to connect the dots of what all of these meant, but the room was spinning and would not stop. He could not think. He blinked once, twice. He let out an undignified groan. He blinked again.

                And like the ton of bricks, it hit him. Both realisation and, when he suddenly jerked into half-sitting position, nausea. The pain in his back, hips and thighs was more of a confirmation than a worry at this point. He was naked, as well, which probably should have been a clue on its own. With alcohol mostly out of his system, there is nothing to numb the shame of last night. He ignored everything he believed in. He does not how many people saw him that night- leaving with a stranger.

                And like the ton of bricks, realisation hit him again. The man who took at least four different kinds of his firsts last night was showering. He remembered him being attractive (he was not THAT drunk), but it does not mean he wants to see the face of his biggest mistake. Before rational thought could enter his mind, he started moving. Ignoring the pain and throbbing, he tried locating his clothes. These were neatly folded on the chair and his chest was filled with warmth. It was probably the nausea. He grabbed trousers and put it on. He realised it was dumb to stand on one leg while hangover as his vision refused to focus on one point. He tripped and on his way down grabbed the shelf that went down with him. ‘The noise would awaken the dead’ Alec thought. He was sprawled on the floor with the room being unusually quiet.

                The water stopped running. There was really no time to think, so Alec did the second best thing his brain could come up with. He grabbed his clothes, phone, wallet and sprinted to the exit. As he run, he thought of nothing – caramel skin on his, yellow eyes above him and strong hips--- nope, not going there. He thought of nothing. Even when he heard the door unlock and a surprised voice called for him, he only thought a single, silent goodbye. The adrenaline and pure fear muted everything else. He found a corridor and put the rest of clothes on in a rush. His movements powered by fear that some grandma is going to see him naked in the hall and call the cops. The very last thing he needed is to have the highlights about the Lightwood arrested for public indecency. On his way home, he decided to grab a coffee. His stomach refused to accept anything else.

  - Can I have Americano, please? No sugar, no milk. Thank you – when he was met with silence, instead of the usual statement of price, he looked down. He was met with a raised eyebrow and a smirk stretched on a pretty face of a young girl.

   - Sure, Tiger. This one is on me. You seem like you had a rough night – she laughed sharply and pointed towards her neck with a finger. As Alec’s brain was working in slow motion, it took him a while to realise what she meant. He made a motion to check his neck, but realised he would not see anything this way. He pulled out his phone and, there it was, the biggest hickey he saw in his life and, oh God, are those teeth marks? His blush must have been visible by now, because the girl started laughing even louder.

He was clearly not meant for this whole hooking-up kinda thing.

 

* * *

 

   Magnus walks into the room in his silky bathrobe and looks unsure as to what happened. The boy left, clearly in a rush. The shelf laid abandoned on the floor. If he touched the warm covers, this would be probably the only physical reminder the boy was here at all. He kind of wished he had a name to match to the face, but it was clearly too much to ask. He was a gentleman and wanted to offer breakfast, maybe have a shower together. Mildly disappointed, Magnus called the cleaning staff and decided to go through his day as if nothing happened. He was good at hiding his heart behind shields ad that is why he was surprised when the blue eyes kept haunting him. This was not a pleasant feeling, so he decided to bury it (along with many others), and if sleeping around and working himself into coma was a solution, then so be it. After all, he promised himself he is not falling for pretty blue eyes ever again.


	3. Frustration and Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus unlocked something in Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice: I would like to point out that the rating went up, because there is a description of Alec and Magnus spending the night together. Oh, and Alec is sexually frustrated.

     Alec sat in front of his desk when the email with results was delivered. He expected to be much more stressed out, but clearly he got most of the stress out of his system. He sipped his tea and thought about the last few weeks as the way to mentally prepare himself for signing his death sentence. Although it might be just him being melodramatic, because after the Night-He-Is-NOT-Going-To-Talk-About, he ironically felt much calmer. Trying to escape gay thoughts, he managed to catch up on sleep. He started eating properly and attending the gym again. He did not look like a walking zombie and even his friends started noticing the difference. However, everyone took it as a sign he did very well in his exams. No one knew about his small breakdown or the amount of tears he cried in the shower since then, but he decided to roll with it. It was for the best. Since he started feeling better, he could channel his energy into being the perfect brother, student and son. Not necessarily in this order. Even the weather seemed to be on his side, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the blue of the sky was the perfect shade.

     Yet, despite all this sun exposure, Alec still lacked the _vitamin D_. This is the only thing holding him back from the perfect life and the perfect mask he has on – memories of that night. Only in the darkness of his own room, tucked safely under the covers, he admits he thinks of the man. _Occasionally_. He does not really admit it consciously, but his body gives him away. The first time he jerked off after that night led to the sad realisation he craved something else, something _inside_. But Alec being Alec decided to ignore it and stubbornly pushed through his body’s resistance. Only when Isabelle commented on his more-obvious-than-usual grumpiness, he decided to accept it.

     He locked the door, ensured Jace was away for the night and made himself as comfortable as possible. When his own fingers breached his entrance, his body relaxed, finally getting the taste of what it once had. He does not recognize himself anymore. He lays on his bed with legs spread widely and the obscenely squelching noise ripping through the air. He wants to stop. He does not want to think about the devilish Asian man. His skilled fingers. Vicious tongue. Intense yellow eyes. Or the fact he was no longer a virgin and could not even admit it to anyone. He wants to get rid of his desires and needs and just be the person his parents want him to be. Instead, he writhes on the bed and recalls the Asian man - the guilty pleasure that belongs to him when the lights are switched off.

 

* * *

 

_Magnus pulled back slowly, enjoying the way Alec followed him with a disappointed whine. He soothed the pout with a quick peck to his temple and reached for the hip instead with an eager hand. He started making the circular motion, bringing the boy’s attention to what was happening. He tensed for a split of the second and then his body yielded too eagerly. Pliant under Magnus’ touch, Alec let himself be manhandled into a more comfortable position._

_He lays on the bed with legs spread widely and the obscenely squelching noise rips through the air as Magnus pulls out his fingers._

_Magnus grabs the condom and puts on his hard shaft, stroking it a few times to spread the leftover lube. He feels the eyes following his every move and he enjoys it. He stops soon cause he does not think he will last. He goes back to his previous position and puts more of his weight on Alec than before. He wants him to feel only him, his strength, his weight, his intention to make him feel good. All these sensations to drive him crazy. Alec responded accordingly and, throwing shame out of the window, he accepted the other with his whole body. His hand squeezing the bicep, his ankle hooking around the tense thigh. Yes, he wanted all of him and he wanted him now._

_Magnus pressed the tip to Alec’s  entrance. He could feel it quivering against him, eager to suck him in.  He wanted to be a gentleman, he really did. He wanted to wait and make Alec shiver with need. But then he felt the press of all limbs against him, bringing him forwards, closer. Inside. As he felt the warmth surrounding him and the shivers of the body breached, his dick leaked like crazy. He might be experienced, but he was never patient. He wanted to make the boy fall apart with pleasure. He tried to stay still to let Alec adjust. His hips shivered and he knew he was doing a poor job when he was unconsciously making small movements anyway. Alec had his head thrown back and his mouth shaped an ‘O’. With the dick constantly pressing his sweet spot with small movements, he decided not to wait. This was going to happen his way._

_Alec rolled his head to look Magnus in the eye. He did not want to be misunderstood. ‘Please’ he whispered brokenly and Magnus obeyed. With all the gratefulness in one move, he drew back and pressed back in. Their bodies shuddered and fit even closer into space in-between. They wanted closeness and hotness and movement. It was weird, romantic and rough, painful and satisfying, rushed and perfectly –timed._

_Wrong for everyone else, perfect for them._

 

   Alec came with a hoarse moan, his back arching against the pillows. Every time he remembers the night, his body refuses to calm down and craves something inside. Shame does not even courses through his veins anymore, he is too tired and too needy to feel like that. After his breathing slows down, he cleans everything up. No evidence that any of this had place. ‘And it will stay like that’ Alec thought with resolution, but at the same time he knew the universe never really gave him what he wanted.

 

* * *

 

   Alec thought about all of this when he opened the email with results. He tried to convince himself he had no regrets. That there were other careers he could pursue. ‘Like _prostitution_ ’ his mind helpfully supplied. Alec groaned and decided to get it over with. He breathed in.

‘ _One of the most outstanding papers I have ever read_ ’

  He breathed out. ‘What?’ Alec thought. He checked his pulse. Normal, he is conscious. He slapped himself with the back of his hand softly. Slight pain, he was awake. His eyes went through the feedback again.

‘ _Unusual freshness of perspective_ ’

‘ _Exceptionally high results for a first-year student_ ’

‘ _Pleasant to read_ ’

‘ _One of the highest score in the university’s history_ ’

   ‘Oh’ Alec thought, maybe he worried for nothing.

 

* * *

  

   - I freaking told you! You, Alec Lightwood, are unable to fail an exam. It’s a skill, a treasure only some of us can possess - Isabelle was laughing in earnest, although it was quickly interrupted by the ugly cough that made Alec cringe. Even in bed, with the high fever and tissues everywhere, Isabelle managed to keep her spirit up and look pretty. He doubted once more whether they were actually related, but decided against it. They were both equally stubborn at times.

   - I am able to fail an exam, just as you are able to get sick and skip a day of work – he said with a strict voice, but she just rolled her eyes, already shifting into a half-sitting position.

   - I know you are unable to stop being such a mother hen, Alec, but really, I am good – she tried to convince him and almost choked, trying to hold back a cough. She did not see, but she could feel the way he furrowed his eyebrows and his lips formed a line, ready to slip her sleeping pills if it meant keeping her in the room.

     Izzy already knew that with Alec here, she was probably not going to work today. The second she called him, she knew that. He skipped all his responsibilities for the day and came running. He cooked her soup and made dinner for another three days that would only have to be re-heated. He got medicine and already emailed all her teachers she is not making it to classes today. Thankfully, it was Friday, so she was not going to skip that much. He refused to leave until her fever was down, so he started preparing himself a nest he could sleep in tonight. She was not going to mention how much she appreciated it, because she knew he would brush it off. She was the younger sister that he hid a lot from, but that does not mean she didn’t notice how bothered he seemed recently. As selfish as it was, she let him take care of her, drowning in the love of her overprotective older brother. Yet, she decided to show her love in return. She wanted him to know how good he was doing after all. Suddenly, she gasped.

   - Oh, no! I forgot! – she panicked.

   - What happened? – Alec asked worriedly.

   - I was about to bring documents to the company today! My boss can’t attend the meeting without them! – she got up and ran to the desk. She shifted a few papers before she found what she was looking for. At the same time, she realised how weak she felt. Alec caught her before she fell. He let out a groan. She wasn’t exactly heavy, but rather particularly uncooperative. He put her in the bed while she was struggling, trying to explain to him how important those documents were. He sighed and tucked her into the bed, making sure she had her phone nearby.

   - Don’t worry. I will bring the documents for you. Just give me the address of the company and the name of your boss – he assured her softly and her eyes widened with gratefulness.

   - Thank you so much, Alec! I will pay you back for that for sure! - she hugged him weakly when he just smiled. The second he left, she realised she forgot to congratulate him for the exams well-written.

 

* * *

 

 

   ‘What kind of name is Magnus Bane?’ Alec thought as he made his way to the company in which his sister had an internship. She was really proud of this position and he was glad it made her happy. He wanted to support her and that’s why he felt kind of guilty he didn’t even know where the company was located. He knew it was somewhere in the City of London, but details were lost on him.

   He approached the building that looked both fancy and professional. The milky colour of walls and golden details were particularly eye-catching. For some reason, it reminded Alec of the fashionable and dangerous Asian man. Alec was afraid he would not be able to breathe if he went inside. His worries were brushed away when he noticed the security. She was a short woman, with built that he could probably take on if needed to. However, conversation first.

   - Hello, I would like to deliver some documents to Magnus Bane – he tried to sound cheerful, but the woman just squinted her eyes. She was not impressed.

   - Can I see your ID, please? – she reached her hand and Alec’s mind went blank. Oh. It was probably a good idea to grab Isabelle’s ID, rather than just walk into one of the most expensive companies in the world and expect to be welcomed. He must have looked confused and the woman retreated her hand. – Do you have your ID, sir?

   - I am bringing the documents on behalf of my sister – Isabelle Lightwood. She is sick and I just want to help – change of tactics. He is going for desperate now. It must have worked, because the woman’s face relaxed slightly when she heard Isabelle’s name.

   - Ah, I know, Isabelle, but I still need to see your proof of identity – Alec let out a sigh of relief. He reached into his pocket when the realisation hit him. He let his wallet in his bag. He didn’t want to be that suspicious person, so he kept a perfectly blank face, but inside he was panicking. He decided to reach for his last resort. He looked at the woman, slightly lowered his eyelids and flashed the perfect set of white teeth.

   - I am sure it is not necessary… - he looked discreetly (or so he thought) at her tag - …Aline. We can solve it some other way.

 

* * *

 

 

   Magnus was in a rush. He had no idea what happened, but he was a mess. He overslept for the important meeting. He was not his perfectly organized, charming self. Rather, he missed a button on his shirt which was now crooked. His eyeliner was slightly smudged where he hit himself with the car door that he tried to open in a rush. Coffee in one hand, phone in the other, bruise on his forehead… He couldn’t believe it was only morning. He somehow managed to message his assistant to make up some lie and appease the client. She was not amused. She also told him the documents from one of the interns were not there. Just fantastic. As if everything was not going bad enough, he was met with a ruckus in front of his company. Two members of security were arguing with someone and the noise would be bothering him if he did not recognise the serious case of bed hair. The warmth spread in his chest when he asked:

   - Can I help you?


	4. Refusal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An overview of how Magnus is doing after meeting Alec (spoiler: not so great).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning: Magnus has sex with a girl.

   Magnus sits in front of his desk when he hears the knocking. He would love to do nothing more than to pretend he is not here, but it might be difficult considering he sits in his own office in the middle of the working day. He might pretend he left for a meeting, or that he is too busy to see anyone right no—

   - I know you are here, Magnus – low, rough voice called through the thick wooden doors and efficiently cut off Magnus’ escape plan. The Asian man groaned, made a spin in his chair, whined again and finally let the man in.

   - Make it quick, Raphael, I am not in the mood – shorter Spaniard just threw him an unimpressed look.

   - You weren’t in the mood for at least few weeks, so I won’t bother pretending to be surprised. You have a meeting at 2pm that you can’t skip, there is the reception in the Northumberland Halls in the evening and you have a message from your father.

   Magnus didn’t understand why the world hated him. Or maybe he did, but he didn’t consider his actions to be punishable to that extent. He just wants to stay home, drink martini and watch the night sky. Maybe pound some law student’s ass in his free time… Nope, not going there. He just wanted a peace of mind, but that seemed to be out of reach for him recently.

   Magnus always liked the rush. He never could stay in one place. Magnus of the Past used that energy to survive. When he lived on the streets, he used that energy to run away from issues, to power through obstacles and to keep his body moving from one place to another even when his soul cried for some rest. The movement meant he was alive. His beating heart meant he was given another day. His living body was the testimony to his enemies – he was still standing, he did not lose. The movement was everything for him and eventually made a small nest inside his soul. Because of that, even when he settled, his domain was chaos. You could take the boy from the streets, but you can never take away what he has seen.

   Magnus appreciated the physical world and never paid attention to his own mind. Only when his father graciously offered (although the word ‘offer’ might be a stretch here) to take him in, he realised that the world was not full of chaos. He was. His mind was running and spinning and his energy was ripping him at the seams whenever he stayed still. As he matured, he learnt to control it. He made sure to never stay static, to keep himself occupied. This led to a successful career and overall calmness. Being surrounded by rush made his mind quiet. When his mind was quiet, he was at peace. Right now, he was the opposite of peace. The façade he worked on so hard was crumbling to pieces. All ugly dark parts of him were brought to life all over again. The possessiveness over blue wide eyes was unwelcomed. His dick politely disagreed, giving an interested twitch at the memory of the boy. Magnus ignored it. He had to control himself. He was never going back to the way he was, no matter how much he needed to feel real in the tight warm embrace of the boy.

   Raphael cleared his throat politely and pretended that Magnus hadn’t had a breakdown in the middle of the conversation. He was worried the first few times, but after a few weeks of this unstable behaviour, he had no words of advice to share. Apart from…

   - If there is something bothering you, you shouldn’t keep it bottled up – Raphael wasn’t the ‘let’s-solve-it-by-talking-about-our-feelings’ type of guy, so that was how Magnus knew he made him truly worried. He didn’t intend it; he truly wanted to be normal again.

   - Oh, my dear Raphael. That boyfriend of yours is really making you soft – and like how he predicted, Raphael frowned with the power of a thunderstorm. He hated when people asked him anything that could potentially result in him being embarrassed or seen as sensitive.

   - I don’t know what you are talking about – Magnus smirked when there was the slightest blush on high Spanish cheekbones. He also cooed for the good measure, which led to the predictable outcome – the fuming Spaniard leaving the room with no further interest in ensuring Magnus’ well-being. Magnus sighed and he knew he had to do something.

   The noise in his head was never a good sign and if people started noticing, and even worse, mentioning it to him, he had to act fast. He deleted the message from his father and dialled the number of one of his oldest friends – he wouldn’t know what to do, but at least he would take his mind off of things (blue-eyed pretty things).

 

* * *

 

    Magnus was a comet.

    He was full of energy, movement and chaos. He had a successful company that offered financial services to rich clients. He put all his effort into it and now ripped the profits of his hard work. He is the successful businessman included in the Forbes 100. One who had his own empire by the time he was 28. One who took the world by storm when he first appeared under his father’s guidance. He was given a chance and he decided to take it. Now, his successes did not end with the successful career. His street-smart approach and strong build made him desirable, both in financial offices, as well as in bedrooms. He stayed for longer with different partners, but in the end he was never able to stay static.

    One of his current side projects is the Pandemonium – a night club that he opened as a whim, but is now one of the most popular clubs in London. It was a risky investment, paid fully by the money left after his lawyers dealt with Camille, but one that kept him sane in the darkest hours. It was everything Magnus adored – rich, luxurious décor contrasted with shameless, hot bodies and loud, pulsing music. Like his body and his mind. His past and his present. The embodiment of contrasts that constituted Magnus Bane.

   As he stood in the middle of the party, he let his eyes wander. Later than expected, he spotted a tall, dark-haired girl. She was unusually pale which made all the lights looking magical on her skin. She was almost perfect. ‘No blue eyes’ Magnus’ brain noted meticulously. For this one time in his life, he decided to settle. There was no growing anxiety in his tummy or emptiness in his brain so flirting turned out to be successful as soon as he switched on his charm. His brain, mellowed by alcohol, was buzzing and actively pushing the unwanted images to the back of his mind. He knew not to worry about Ragnor, because the man probably waited for the excuse to leave the second he heard about the suggestion to go to Pandemonium. Magnus continued with the sweet talk until he got the clear consent.

_Finally_ , he really needs to forget as soon as possible.

 

* * *

 

   - So… let me get this straight. You, Magnus Bane, one and only. The same Magnus Bane who had an orgy which ended up in the university newspaper. The same Magnus who was so drunk when he slept with twins that he claimed for two weeks he slept with one girl until they both confronted him at the same time. The same Magnus…

   - YES! Yes, that’s me! Could you shut up? – Magnus whined from his place on the bathroom tiles. He was miserable. He wanted to become one with the bathroom floor. He couldn’t live after what happened. His reputation is ruined.

   - Wait, so you, Magnus Bane, the man who, if he put his mind into it, could probably sleep with almost anything… couldn’t get it up? – if Magnus could describe one thing as the most annoying noise in the world it would be Cat laughing at his failures. It was high, shrilly and without an ounce of judgement. He wanted to be judged. He was disgusting and weak.

   - I could get it up. I just wasn’t into it – he groaned, knowing that his excuse was lame at best. He waited a few minutes for Cat to calm down. He managed to stop shaking so that was a plus.

   - What happened tho? – she asked and he knew what she meant. It’s not like he hasn’t slept with other people after the blue-eyed boy. He did, but he guessed this girl was too similar to him and this triggered his mind.

   - I guess I’m the ‘one-soul-at-a-time’ kind of guy – Magnus laughed, but it quickly turned to little choked out breaths. He wasn’t sobbing. He was an adult. No sobbing. Just manly choking sounds. Catherine placed a hand on his shoulder and hugged him gently. They both knew what happened the last time Magnus fell in love and none of them wanted to repeat the experience.

   - …I still can’t believe you puked in the middle of sex … - Magnus groaned louder than socially acceptable.

 

* * *

 

_Magnus opened her legs with force he did not use with Alec. But this time was different. He could allow himself to be a little more rough as the girl was also more needy. She was wet and her naked body was writhing. Not in overwhelming pleasure, but trying to present herself in the most appealing way. He consciously appreciated it, but he wanted her to be slightly more modest about it._

_Knowing what his mind tried to achieve, he growled angrily and pressed a finger inside her pussy. The loud whine reached his ears almost immediately._

_‘So good! More!’ she demanded eagerly and Alec flashed in front of his eyes. He and his perfect tearful blue eyes and a broken gasp ‘slower’, followed by an even more broken moan. Magnus pushed through his mind’s obstacles and added two more fingers, sensing that the girl could take it. She appreciated him with soft sweet noises. He tried to focus on that, lull his mind with the sweetest of melodies._

_When she grabbed his hand and looked him straight into the eye, he understood. He struggled to find condoms and when he did, she was presenting herself. He grabbed her legs and pressed inside. She gave him no time to relax when she arched her back and demanded more. Her hips meeting his almost immediately._

_He couldn’t keep up with what was happening. She looked at him with wide dark eyes. No blue eyes. She spoke vulgarly, there was no anxious note in her tone. His mind was in chaos. His body, in its confused state, slowed down. She had none of that. She wrapped her arms around his neck. ‘Come on! Fuck me with that big dick of yours!’ And that’s when his body decided to protest._

_Yes. This time was different._

 

* * *

 

   After that, Magnus chose his hook-ups more carefully. He did anything and everything in his power to quiet his mind down. It mostly worked until one day, when he woke up late and knew this day would be different than all the others.

   As he nears the company, he is a mess with dark eye bags, coffee and crumbled front of the shirt. Not as bad as some people would describe ‘sloppy’, but not to Magnus’ standards. In his messy glory, he stumbles upon the ruckus in front of his company. ‘Jesus, take the wheel’ Magnus groans as the noises and shouts of distress only grow louder. However, he quickly retracts the statement. He wants to be in the first row for what was about to happen. Even when blue eyes make him feel dizzy and he probably should not drive in intoxicated state.


End file.
